“When a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive.”
– Nelson Mandela –
Your life purpose is rooted in forgiveness. As the greatest act of self-love, forgiveness frees up your heart and your mind from the heaviness of the deep wounds of your past to prepare you for a new season in your life.
As you embrace your new life chapter, letting go of past hurts makes room for you to receive inner peace and the wisdom that such painful experiences were there to teach you, so that once healed you can have greater empathy for yourself and be a blessing to the world.
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To clear your own path to inner peace, greater wisdom, and clarity of vision and actions, the first person you need to forgive is yourself. For all the times you’ve believed the lies in your own mind that you alone are not enough; that you are not beautiful enough, intelligent enough, or successful enough. For all the times you’ve compared your life path to someone else’s whether the other person was a sibling, a friend, or a celebrity or a social media influencer with carefully curated public profiles.
The truth is your life path and your life purpose were solely designed by God for you to fulfil. Finally, forgive yourself for falling short of the existent or non-existent standards you set to achieve your personal or professional goals by a certain date. Have empathy for yourself and give yourself the grace to press that reset button every day to be better and to do better each day.
On my very own life journey, I have realised that I have treated myself with less compassion than I would have treated a friend, a family member, or even a stranger. In this quarantine season when we are called to sit with ourselves within ourselves to ask ourselves much deeper questions about who we are and what we are here to accomplish, I am learning to treat myself with greater kindness, to be fully present in my own life. This means connecting my mind to my emotions, to grieve unfulfilled goals and dreams, taking greater care of my health, making peace with relationships that are complete, setting new goals, developing new skills, and birthing new dreams and healthier relationships.
Forgive your family
Your family members, starting with your parents and siblings, are very important people you need to learn to forgive, because whether they are present or not in your life, alive or dead, they remain lifelong relationships who had a great impact on you in your childhood. Forgive your parents for what you believe they did or didn’t do to bless you with the best start in life. Forgive them for the time they did not show up for you, or they showed up poorly, embarrassing you in front of your peers. For the time they failed to provide for you or to meet your emotional, physical, and mental needs when you were growing up.
Forgive your siblings for whatever difference of opinions you may have about your childhood experiences, and all the deep hurts that they caused you (or in some cases are still causing you), because we see and go through life from different perspectives. This is by no means a way of excusing parental or sibling abuse or neglect. This is simply refusing to allow the shadows of your past childhood pain to linger on the doorstep of your present on the way to your brilliant future.
Believe it or not, I understand how hard it can somehow be to forgive our family members. Having grown up without the benefit of my father, on sometimes tight financial resources, I learned to take on adult responsibilities from a very young age. For a long time I was upset with my late father for being an absentee parent, and with my mother for having me with an absent father.
In the past 5 years through daily prayer, journaling, ugly cries, reading, excellent therapy, and outdoor jogging, I learned to release my pain to choose instead to forgive my late father and my mother.
Courtesy of Iyanla Vanzant’s Peace From Broken Pieces, I learned to find peace on the inside to rise again from a place of acceptance, forgiveness, and love.
As I was going through my healing journey, I learned to appreciate all the gifts that I inherited from my late father, my mother, and my ancestors that far exceeded my childhood pains.
These are the life gifts that are currently propelling me forward, as I leave the shell of my former self behind and seek my future in a new existence.
Forgive friends/colleagues/business partners
Friends, colleagues, and business partners at some point in time will not live up to your expectations.
You will need to decide to forgive those friends that never showed up for you when you had a breakup, a serious illness, or you landed a promotion that turned their attitudes sour toward you.
How you choose to entertain or release such seasonal friendships is for you to figure out.
Forgive your colleagues’ macro and micro aggressions. Forgive particularly those who felt so threatened by your brilliance, that they desperately worked hard to sabotage and belittle you or the quality of your work in an attempt to feel good about themselves. Refuse to engage in battles that do not matter.
Use your energy instead to get clear about who you are and how you want to conduct your life, and take positive actions to pursue your best life. Like President Nelson Mandela, learn to forgive the unforgivable in pursuit of your higher calling.
Your business partners will sometimes let you down, show up late, and in worst cases being dishonest in business dealings. You will need to summon the compassion, the courage and faith on the inside to feel and grieve such betrayals, learn your lessons, and revise your business code of conduct.
Either way you will come out better and stronger when you sincerely engage in that healing journey which is a process, not a destination.
As you learn to forgive yourself and others by reconnecting to your inner self, you gradually start to have a deeper understanding of who you are, of your strengths and weakness, what brings you joy, and how to use your time and resources wisely.
Your newly released energy will make you feel lighter and it will fuel your dreams, your creativity, and your passions. These ultimately will enable you to discover and embrace your life purpose.
Remember, forgiveness is a choice. Who have you chosen to forgive today my lovelies?